Luziycan Culture Test

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If you meet one or more of these criteria, you are probably a true Luziycan.

If you are Luziycan

The beautiful mountains in Alto Luziyca
  • You believe deep down in freedom, and feel it is a God-given right
  • You're familiar with Claira Etemevok, Peterson Argetova, Yenyn Neydaye, Ellen Nazorda, Mr. Adero (Mitchell Adero), The Late Show, and American celebrities and shows.
  • You know how baseball, basketball, and football are played. If you're male, you can argue intricate points about their rules. On the other hand (unless if you live in Lombardia), you don't care that much for Lombardian footall.
  • You count yourself fortunate if you get more than one or two weeks of vacation a year.

If you died tonight...

  • You're fairly likely to believe in God; if not, you've certainly been approached by people asking whether you know that you're going to Heaven.
  • You think of McDonald's, KFC, and A&W as cheap food. Luziyca may or may not make the best donuts in the world, but it's gone the farthest in perfecting donut shops as a lifestyle.
  • You probably own a telephone and a TV. Your place is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom. You do your laundry in a machine. You don't kill your own food. You don't have a dirt floor. You eat at a table, sitting on chairs.
  • You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food.
  • A bathroom may not have a bathtub in it, but it certainly has a toilet.
  • It seems natural to you that the telephone system, railroads, auto manufacturers, airlines, and power companies are privately run; indeed, you can hardly picture things working differently.
  • You expect, as a matter of course, that the phones will work. Getting a new phone is routine.
  • The train system, by contrast, isn't very good. Trains don't go any faster than cars; you're better off taking a plane.
  • You find a multi-party system natural: everyone's viewpoint is represented politically, for better or worse, even if only the major parties ever get members elected. You think politicians mean well, but are better at generating hot air than solving problems.
  • Socialism and Communism? Forget about it. The only ones who really support it are either edgy teens or those who lived in West Luziyca.
  • Between "black" and "white" there are no other races. Someone with one black and one white parent is either white or black.
  • You think most problems could be solved if only people would put aside their prejudices and work together.
  • You take a strong court system for granted, even if you don't use it. You know that if you went into business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier, you could take them to court.
  • You're well aware that your country speaks several languages-- but you yourself speak either Luziycan or English, unless you live in Inleda, Lombardia, Nantai, West Geadland, or Asenath, or one of the linguistic enclaves. You probably learned some of the other languages (Azena, Lombardian, Namorese, Geadish, Swedish or English) in school, but don't remember much of it. If you live in the rest of Luziyca, you find other languages interesting but irrelevant; if you live in Inleda, Lombardia, or West Geadland, you find Luziycan useful but annoying.
  • It's not all that necessary to learn Luziycan, Namorese, Geadish, Lombardian, Azena or Swedish, let alone any other foreign language anyway. You can travel the continent using nothing but English, or Luziycan-- and get by pretty well in the rest of the world, too.
  • You have a flat tax system.
  • School is free through high school (at least, it's an option, even if you went to private school), but in reality, you need to pay some school fees; college isn't, unless you get a scholarship.
  • College is (normally, and excluding graduate study) four years long.

All true Luziycans know that...

  • Mustard comes in jars or squeezable bottles. Shaving cream comes in cans. Milk comes in plastic jugs or cardboard boxes , or in some areas, in bags.
  • The date comes second: 03/25/1863. (And you know what happened on that date.)
  • The decimal point is a dot. Certainly not a comma. A comma is to separate thousands (like: 1,601).
  • A billion is a thousand times a million.
  • The Second Great War was a just war, and (granted all the suffering of course) ended all right. It was a time when the country came together and did what was right. And instead of insisting on vengeance, Luziyca very generously rebuilt the liberated areas instead.
  • You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time.
  • If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. If a woman has sex with another woman, she's a lesbian.
  • Once you're introduced to someone (well, besides the President and other lofty figures), you can call them by their first name.
  • If you're a woman, you don't go to the beach topless.
  • A hotel room has a private bath.
  • You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed (if you go to foreign films at all).
  • You seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes.
  • If a politician has been cheating on his wife, you would question his ability to govern.
  • Just about any store will take your credit card.
  • A company can fire just about anybody it wants. No exceptions.
  • You like your bacon crisp.

What about you, dear foreigner?

  • You believe that Luziyca has one of the most advanced cultures in Esquarium: after all, they underwent the industrial revolution centuries before the Namorese did, and even had a renaissance. You may know that your colonial Empire was once the largest in Esquarium, and that the sun never set on it, but you only have a small number left.
  • You think Geadland, Nebesina, Scotia, Katranjiev and Vyvland as pleasant countries which are peaceful, but are a tad too leftist for your liking.
  • You are ambivalent at best of Namor. You frequently make fun of them for their stupidity and their conspiracies; after all, they got one of the worst education systems in West Esquarium and that you controlled Oteki longer than they did, yet still claim it as theirs. Likewise, you view Nantai as part of Luziyca, not Namorese, but you recognize that it is culturally Namorese.
  • You believe Kofeiya needs to helped, in development, and is seen as the only free nation governed by blacks. Your coffee usually comes from there, and so do your tires. Besides Kofeiya, you doubt that blacks can run a nation effectively. Why do you think Asenath is still prosperous? Because whites helped civilize it.
  • You see Chorea as a decent country, as well as basically anyone else.
  • Roubao is part of Unolia. Period.
  • Wolfmanne is a great country who should be more closer to Luziyca, due to their conservatism and Christianity.
  • You view Unolia as a paragon of freedom and that you feel grateful that Jarrod Thuman took power, even if you did help him out. You get annoyed at how they don't want to be seen as democratic.
  • You reject Luziycan imperialism, and believe that you were only imperialist in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Nowadays, you are no longer imperialist, but you support humanitarian interventions and liberations in various countries, even if Luziyca sets some regimes up.

Contributions to Freedom

  • You know many a film.
  • You know many celebrities, both domestic and foreign.
  • You count on excellent medical treatment. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases, assuming one has enough liras, or has insurance. You expect very strong measures to be taken to save very ill babies or people in their eighties. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
  • You went over Luziycan history, and some Esquarian, in school, Not much anywhere else. You couldn't name ten Luziycan interventions in Esquarium.
  • You expect the military to fight wars, not get involved in politics. You may not be able to name the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
  • Your country has never been conquered by a foreign nation.
  • You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy.
  • You measure things using the metric system. Older people still use imperial.
  • You are not a farmer.
  • Comics basically come in two varieties: newspaper comics and magazines; the latter pretty much all feature superheroes.
  • The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are mostly entertainers, politicians, or rather strange individuals. Certainly not, say, authors.
  • You drive on the right side of the road. You stop at red lights even if nobody's around. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them.
  • You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be a small car.
  • The police are armed, but not with submachine guns.
  • If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks.
  • The biggest meal of the day is in the evening.
  • The nationality people most often make jokes about are the Geads, followed by Swilatians and Iglesians.
  • There's parts of the country you definitely want to avoid at night.

Outside the City

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A panorama of the capital
  • You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in Bethlehem, even if you live in Bethlehem. Ditto with your state government.
  • You wouldn't expect both inflation and unemployment to be very high (say, over 15%) at the same time.
  • You don't care very much what family someone comes from.
  • The normal thing, when a couple dies, is for their estate to be divided equally between their children.
  • You think of opera and ballet as rather elite entertainments. It's likely you don't see that many plays, either.
  • Christmas is in the winter. Even if you're Jewish or a Txoist, you spend it with your family, give presents, and put up a tree, though devout Christians go to church.
  • You may think the church is too powerful, or the state is; but you are used to having Lutheran Catholicism as a national religion and don't think that abolishing it would be a good idea.
  • You'd be hard pressed to name the capitals or the leaders of all the nations of Esquarium.
  • You aren't familiar with Mafalda, Lucky Luke, Corto Maltese, Milo Manara, Guido Crepax, Gotlib, or Moebius.
  • You've left a message at the beep.
  • Taxis are generally operated by foreigners, who are often deplorably ignorant about the city.
  • You are distrustful of welfare and unemployment payments-- you think people should earn a living and not take handouts.
  • If you want to be a doctor, you need to get a bachelor's first.
  • There sure are a lot of lawyers.

Are we there yet?

  • If you have an appointment, you'll mutter an excuse if you're five minutes late, and apologize profusely if it's ten minutes. An hour late is almost inexcusable. More leeway is given in winter, though.
  • If you're talking to someone, you get uncomfortable if they approach closer than about 60 centimeters.
  • You don't haggle, nor expect anyone to do so, except for cars and houses.
  • Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over-- especially if a meal is involved.
  • When you negotiate, you are polite, of course, but it's only good business to 'play hardball'. Some foreigners pay excessive attention to status, or don't say what they mean, and that's exasperating.
  • If you have a business appointment or interview with someone, you expect to have that person to yourself, and the business shouldn't take more than an hour or so.