Cane Flute Man

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Cane Flute Man
Cane Flute Man performing in 2003
BornAbdullah von Pineapple
1581
Unknown mountain village, Cydonian Highlands,  Cydonia
Disappeared2015 (aged ~434)
Cydonia
StatusMissing
Occupation
  • Flautist
  • song writer
Musical career
GenresGospel music
Instruments
Years active1596–present
LabelsGud Fuk Productions
Website
canefluteman.cyd

Cane Flute Man (born Abdullah von Pineapple; 1581 – disappeared 2015) is a Cydonian singer, musician, dancer and author. He is world renowned for his expressive ballads and flautist skills, as well as his eccentric behaviour. After initially being reported to have died in a shooting, Cane Flute Man was labelled as missing by Cydonian authorities in 2015 and his current location is unknown. He is currently wanted for "committing hilarious acts against the President" by the Bratislavian police and has been declared a persona non grata in several other countries. Since his disappearance, sightings of Cane Flute Man have been reported across the world, though the authenticity of these claims have been called into question. Cane Flute Man was confirmed by medical professionals to be the only immortal individual known to exist and has had the bodily appearance and health of a late 30 to early 40 year old since the early 1600s. The reasons for this are not yet known.

Life and career

Early life

Almost nothing is known about the early life of Abdullah von Pineapple; the name itself is taken from scholarly accounts dating to 1693 and may not even be his real name, though it is known that he was born in a village somewhere in the Cydonian Highlands in 1581.

Artistry

Impact and recognition

Acting work

Philanthropy

Personal life

Residences

Cane Flute Man has bought many shacks and huts around the world, and is known to live in all of them at least once a year.

Relationships

Unsurprisingly, Cane Flute Man is surrounded by interested women and men, many willing to give up anything to be with him. He is said to have had an estimated 1,400 spouses over the years, be they female, male, or inhuman. Famous lovers have included almost every Bratislavian president recorded.

Ventures

A view of The Cane Flute Experience roller coaster at Cane Flute World.

Cane Flute Man has made inroads in the business world, launching a line of various fragrances such as 'chloroform' and 'pepprd ani'. His best selling product to date is his premier cologne "Derk" in 2006. These perfumes immediately sold out in Sde Dov and West Aurelia. The Cane Flute Man has also ventured in the clothing industry, releasing a lingerie line called The Cane Flute Secret in December 2015, which instantly became popular around Atlas. To promote his new line of clothes, he embarked on a massive advertising campaign in time for the Christmas shopping rush. This campaign drew flak from various groups such as the Sde Dovian Catholic Chuch, which blasted the campaign's provocative message.

As the poster-boy of Chilokveri mega-corporation Apple Inc. since 500 years before its founding, Cane Flute Man has been responsible for popularizing the video streaming service iTube, as well as various Apple products in his videos.

Awards and achievements

Controversies

Cane Flute Man has performed in outfits that render him nearly nude, which has gained attention from conservative groups all over Atlas. Admiral William Tacarthian of the Cenerian Navy has personally labelled von Pineapple an "abomination before all the Gods in history".

Discography

  • A Shack and some Ani is all I Need (1967)
  • Ode to the Resistance (cover) (1971)
  • A Poem Boi Aur (cover) (1973)
  • I've Got My Eye On You (1973)
  • Selected Poems (cover) (1976)
  • Little White Men (1977)
  • Cruisin' Down Deian's Street (1978)
  • Darth Penis (1981)
  • Hot And Sweaty Paperwork (1984)
  • I Hope You're Home Alone (1986)
  • Watching You (1988)
  • Careless Whisper (1989)
  • Peeking Through Your Window (1990)
  • Ye Bois Maek It Raen (1991)
  • Dat Lung Stif Rod (1991)
  • Dei Alfabet Sung - Huecode Edishun (1992)
  • Fun For the Whole Family (1993)
  • Wanking in the Mountains (1993)
  • I lost my keys. Can I check your pants? (1995)
  • Purge the Ani (1999)
  • Quasi-Sex Noises (2001)
  • Pelvic Thrust (2001)
  • Straight Outta Belgrade (2003)
  • I Feel You (2004)
  • Allahu Anti-Matter Akbar (2007)
  • Purge Dat Ani Til It Bleeds (2008)
  • Gib Moi Da Gudfuk (2009)
  • Absolutely Haram (2009)
  • Absolutely Halal (2010)
  • 72 Dead Babies (2010)
  • on no you got blue paint all over you (2011)
  • How Do You Fit All Dat In Dem Jeans (2011)
  • mom's spageti (2011)
  • Illuminati Confirmed (2012)
  • I Fecked Yuor Mem (2013)
  • You Make My Ani Throb (2014)
  • Bring Hoem Da Gudfuk (1992)
  • Hej Gurl Wan Sum Fuk (2014)
  • Gilihue Akbar (2014)
  • Automatic Clasitionata (2008)
  • Diarrhea in C minor (2015)
  • Pepprin Anis (2015)
  • Emotional Titantic Flute (Unknown)
  • Dildos Diddling in the Day (unknown)

Concert tours

  • Lost in Belgrade (1968)
  • Serenade Secrets (1975)
  • No, dad, no please i'm 6 (1984)
  • Cane Flute Man's Greatest Hits (1999)
  • Careless Whisper (2011)
  • The Cane Flute Experience (2015)

Biographies

  • One Hundred and One Ways to Purge Dat Ani (1989)
  • Cane Flute Man: The Story of My Lyfe (2006)
  • Why I Sing (2014)

Other works

  • Thoust Ani Throbs for Thy Affection - play